Wrestling with Conscience

A few years ago, I started noticing how many times "conscience" is mentioned in the NT letters.  I’d never thought of conscience as a particularly spiritual concept, but the number of repetitions (twenty one times across nine letters, to be exact) suggests that it is. 

At the same time, I’ve noted that this concept seems to be disappearing more and more from common thought and conversation for both the spiritually-minded and the not-so-much-so.  Struggles of conscience, whether shared seriously, sarcastically, or even by way of gossip, are becoming an endangered breed of discussion.  It might be more accurate to say: an increasingly mutated breed of discussion.  

Here is the Old School Understanding of Conscience: I must discern and choose between the impulses of good and evil within my own mind and body.  Evil will move me to betray self, neighbor, and God in order to do what feels good or benefits me for the moment, while offering various justifications for doing so.  Conversely, Good will suggest, “Just restrain yourself (or continue forward despite opposition), do the right thing, pay the price, be patient, and you’ll feel better about it later.”   

The New School of Understanding speaks differently.  The angel on my right shoulder now advocates that I follow my natural impulses in order to be true to myself, true to love, true to a cause, or at least true to the impulses themselves.  Meanwhile, the devil on my left shoulder spouts inhibitions and condemnation in an attempt to prolong my enslavement to judgmentalism, personal timidity, moral conventions, or simply to the commonplace wisdom of the past.  I must shake free of these.  Old School: If you're encountering roadblocks of the conscience, change your direction.  New School: Clear the road and press forward.

Yes, some inhibitions are indeed bad, and many impulses are truly good, but think it through: as an overall recipe for conscience, does it not seem that this new model is a very dangerous one?  That the measure and goal of this new model only revolves around self, and not others (not to mention God)?  That some of what was once considered good is now called “evil” and vice-versa (which should at least elicit serious analysis on our part before proceeding forward)?  That the heroism this model calls for is only personal and psychological; not relational, and not sacrificial?  That this model escapes the rigidity of the old directive to "Do the right thing," only to embrace new mantras largely spawned by commercialism and the entertainment industry (such as "You deserve ______" and "It can't be wrong, if it feels right") that are far less noble in their implications?  And lastly, but not finally: that we’ve swung away from self-denial toward self-indulgence as that which is worthy of praise and honor?

If Impulse is to become the new morality... how do you feel about that?  The answer says much about how you perceive conscience.

I'll have a few posts forthcoming on my recent wrestlings with this subject, in which I will dig into the twenty-one citations of “conscience” mentioned above (plus a few related items) but this seems a good stopping point for this one. I’m interested in your observations, if you’d care to share...

Habits of Overcoming #1: Guarding

Thanks to CathyCracks at Flick'r

Ancient cities posted watchmen on the city wall.  When one of them saw trouble on the way, the city’s gates would be closed, and the enemy would be forced to do battle with stone walls, rampart defenses and massive barricades before ever gaining access.  And solid defenses did more than just stall the enemy... in many instances, a city's foes were so effectively discouraged that they never bothered to attack in the first place.  Contrast this to many of us, however, who are allowing temptation to enter our lives unchecked - doors left wide open - and then acting surprised when its attacks trump our good intentions!

THE STEPS:
1) Identify the Means: If the attack is lust, then the vehicle may be images, a 900 number, or the fact that you’re staring at and/or thinking of someone or some thing inappropriately.  If the attack is greed, then the means may be a certain store, website, catalog, TV show, or the presence of people who worship money and material goods.  If the attack is gluttony, then eating establishments, advertisements, and shopping aisles are all possible adversaries.  Add an "etc" here, and use your common sense to apply this to other areas.

2) Close the Gates: When the screen, audio, page or person starts exalting sensuality, don’t wait to see if the rest of the presentation is going to take it down a notch; end the audience and walk away.  When the internet tells you to spend your money right now, delete the email, surf to safer waters, shut it down.  Or if a temptation on the net is amplified by privacy, cancel your service and just use the free stuff in public places.  When you hear that familiar segue in the conversation that's going to lead into gossip and backbiting, excuse yourself.  Back out of the drive-through - or if it's too late for that, you can still leave them holding the bag... as long as you paid for it ;).  Paying the price and enduring a little embarrassment now will make you feel much better (and stronger) later.  Whether the problem is gambling, drinking, drugging, or WHAT EVER, there are relatively easy ways to close the gates and protect yourself, so just do it! 

3) Exterior Clean Up: Stop leaving "invitations" to mess up sitting around the house, car or workplace - destroy the offending items and refuse to replace them.

4) Interior Clean Up: NEVER wax sentimental over the articles of your enslavement.  Get serious. 

TIPS FOR WIMPS
◗ Think back.  What good and lasting thing have you ever gained by leaving the door open to temptation?  On the other hand, what have you lost or suffered through as a result?
◗ Be honest.  If you still want to indulge the temptation a bit, this exercise (and this blog) is a waste of your time.  Make up your mind firmly first.
◗ Think ahead.  Whatever you can do to identify and defuse (or avoid) upcoming tempting situations is to your advantage.

THE UNDERLYING PRINCIPLE:
The better your protection is, the less destruction can take place.  And once your heart is well-guarded, there will be many times when you don’t have to fight at all; temptation simply won’t get close enough.  It's more than worth the cost, isn't it?

Persistence

My first apartment was a rented basement at the top of Walter’s Hill, a dead-end rising a mile above town with just a dozen or so scattered houses, where no one else  seemed to travel to or from town without a car; a place where it almost made sense that a couple of dogs were allowed to roam freely.  Duncan was a German Shepherd-mix, near as I can remember, whereas Samson was a very juvenile golden retriever.  I could escape them by bicycle easily enough; the incline was steep, and exit velocity easy to achieve.  Walking, however, was far more difficult… and I had no other options as of yet. 

The problem wasn't that they were mean dogs, but that they were friendly; they wanted to come along for whatever trip I was taking, and they could hear when I closed the door on my way out.  My skills as a stealth-pedestrian failed one morning on the way to work, and while I was able to chase Samson away, Duncan wouldn’t budge, no matter how rudely I behaved.  My bike must have been broken down, as I didn’t go back for it, but rather decided that I would just have to bring Duncan along.  Work was outdoors anyway. 

Thanks to pwcorgigirl at Flick’r for the photo!

 

We headed fifteen minutes across town to meet my ride.  I explained the situation to Joe and he, in turn, explained that he wasn’t willing to let a dog ride in the back of his empty, enclosed pickup.  I thought he must have misunderstood the nature of my request, but no; he understood and was adamant.  So… would a dog, abandoned in the middle of a town where he’d never been, find his way safely home as Joe suggested?  Possibly, but I didn’t like the odds.  I decided to hike/jog the remaining ten miles to work, and asked Joe to tell my boss that I would be two or three hours late.

Despite the inconvenience, I came to appreciate Duncan during that journey.  He probably covered twice the distance I did, as dogs do, but always stayed near and away from the highway traffic.  He kept tabs on me, to be sure that we were sticking together, and responded when called away from distractions.  My backpack was loaded with rain gear, which made it very hot on my back, so I would remove it from my shoulders and rotate it to one hand, then the other… and I knew he could smell my lunch in the outer pocket.  Nevertheless, he feigned disinterest - even when I got into the food myself - politely waiting until I offered him some about an hour and a half in.  I’d never before known a dog not to be pushy about such things. 

He made his point as the trip wore on…  Clearly, I wasn’t just his excuse to get off the hill, nor was I simply a meal ticket; for him, it really was all about taking the journey together, wherever it might lead.  And by the time we reached our destination, I was pretty confident that this dog would stay near me and behave.  My boss, unfortunately, was not; she was concerned that he would run around knocking over trees.  No - I mean that seriously.  I worked at a container nursery, where the plants all stand outside in pots, so maybe she had a point... but it sure seemed stupid. 

Ten minutes after arriving, we turned back toward home; twenty five miles, round trip, and – you guessed it – dog tired upon our return.

 As with many life stories, there is a moral.  God showed me that day that, if I’m willing to do all this for a neighbor’s dog that I’d barely met, how much more is He willing to be radically inconvenienced for my sake?  For our sakes?  I guess the cross should have communicated this clearly enough already, right?  We may misunderstand His purpose or leading at points along the way, but if our heart is truly focused on taking the journey with Him, He will take great pleasure in us, even despite the extra burden we place upon Him and frustration we may cause. 

I share this to encourage you.  None of us grasps and follows the directions toward transformation in perfect form, but who cares?  It’s critical to embrace transformation, yes, but it’s still penultimate.  The ultimate point is far more simple: value Jesus’ company/presence and persist in following Him closely. 

COUNTERPOINT:

Twenty years later and toward the other side of the country, we were living at the edge of Perrysburg.  A walk around the block to the south of us equalled two and a half miles of travel, and that’s the direction I would normally go.  One evening, halfway into the walk, a dog came out to join me.  She was persistent in following me from fifteen feet back, but whenever I turned to greet her, she would spin around and trot nervously in the other direction.  Then we would resume.  I couldn’t get near her and I couldn’t get free from her.  So I ignored her, assuming that she would give up, since she showed no real interest in me.  After another half mile, she was still there, however, and her skittish aloofness was going to get her killed on the next leg of the walk: a narrow country road with no shoulders; 55mph.  I retraced to knock on doors, find the appropriate house, have the owner restrain her, and then it was over.  No joy in this trip; just frustration.  I don’t even remember the dog’s name, though I’m sure I must have heard it.   

Compare this one mile round trip to my previous twenty-five miler: not near the inconvenience, yet far more frustrating; shared space without the satisfaction of a shared relationship; far less time consumed, yet more time wasted.  The second dog wanted the journey, but didn’t truly want me.

  ____________________

Lesson #1: Persist in following Jesus, even if it seems like God Himself is pushing you away at times.  Remember what happened to the Syro-Phonecian woman,* what happened to Ruth,** and what happened to Elisha.***  Sometimes "Faith" really translates into nothing more complex than stick-to-it-tiveness, and each one of us is able to offer that to God.  No advanced level of spirituality required.

Lesson #2: Persistence means nothing without Trust.  Don’t follow Jesus at a distance; get up close.  It's either risk trusting Him… or risk being sent home.  Your proximity and your purpose (when true) will win His heart and make all the inconvenience worthwhile... and yes, even dear to Him, as it was to me on that first journey with Duncan.

C’mon.  Let's go for a Walk.

*see Matthew 15:21-28

**see the book of Ruth

***see 2 Kings 2:1-15

In Denial

The Word describes the final days of this world in such a way that it can pull your brain into a dark spiral for weeks. So it's interesting that when Paul says, “difficult times will come” – “terrible times” in the new NIV – he's making no references whatsoever to cataclysms or judgment. But what could possibly be more terrible? Answer: a society full of people who care little for God or each other; who obsess instead about self, about the things of this world, and who are unrestrained.

1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power. Avoid these kind of people. 2 Tim 3:1-5

I think you would agree that all the basic pieces of this description are already in place, yes? So much so that we almost accept it as a given. Nevertheless, I'm NOT inviting you to the next online lament over the present state of our society; I'm inviting you instead to consider the power that can change it... before it intensifies.

First, let's identify these people who make for difficult times: they are people who ”hold to a form of godliness.” This means that they speak and practice things outwardly that seem to say: "Jesus is resident in my life" inwardly. Sounds good! But even Hitler made a show of going to church on occasion, and it's historically tragic that many Germans assumed the best about him because of this... which highlights the very problem: having a “form” of godliness is an unreliable indicator of true Christianity.

Yet it's the one we're always looking to. Make a conversational reference to Jesus or even just to spirituality, do a good deed once in awhile, be polite at the critical moments, make regular appearances at church, give credit to God for the touchdown, donate to a worthy cause, etc, and everyone will be satisfied. How stupid of us. A form, whether it's a paperwork form, or a form for pouring concrete, is something that has to be filled-in. By itself, it's nothing; just an empty template with an unfulfilled purpose. The power isn't in the form, but in the completion of its purpose; and even the template for godliness is no exception to this rule.

Think of houses you've seen that are under construction, designed and framed-in, but w/o walls, floors, roof, plumbing, wiring, fixtures, etc. The form may be perfect, but certainly, no one's going to move in yet! Spiritually-speaking, then: have you prepared, maintained, and improved the residence you've asked Jesus to move into (your heart & motivations, your life), or are you continually asking Him to camp out on your under-developed property for just one more day? Are you merely inviting Him, or are you actually accommodating Him through the efforts you invest?

Note that denying the power of godliness isn't the same thing as denying the miraculous power of God. It is, however, the same as denying the transformative power of God. Miracles are outward. Transformations are inward. God speaks the word + Nature obeys = Miracle. God speaks the word + We obey = Transformation. This brings up an interesting question: does a lack of transformation point back to a lack of obedience?  It would seem to make sense.  Please don't be trite about it, obedience here means choosing to learn and follow His Way more accurately over time with His help; not a stunted reference to merely responding as good pets do. Also worth mentioning here: Miracles can be more easily dismissed by onlookers than Transformations can be.

If I may repeat the point: we're stupid. We recognize the fact that ungodliness requires our cooperation in order to have any power: entertain the idea of shoplifting, and it gains power over one's mental state; act on it, and that power now impacts others; repeat it, and that power begins to overtake other areas of your life... you're becoming a different person, transforming toward the negative.

Why, then, do we not understand the fact that godliness requires our cooperation in order to have any power?! Why do we conceive of the process as if Jesus held a magic wand above us, rather than an out-stretched hand alongside us? Why are we half-hearted in our efforts to walk in the Way, inconsistent instead of persistent, passive quite often, or even resistant to implementing those small changes that would gradually snowball into transformation? 

BTW: To communicate to the world around you, “I'm forgiven, but unchanged,” is blasphemy!* 

We have a limited amount of time to work with here – hence the label, “Last Days.” We didn't have to get our act together to come to Jesus, thankfully, we just had to believe; but we DO have to cooperate with His efforts to transform us, or that transformation will never happen... we will continue in compromise and frustration, seeing God's promises through a thick dirty window, rather than experiencing them... and onlookers will continue to view Christianity - through us - as a myth with no power. 

Your call.

*see Romans 2:24, or 2 Peter 2:2 on this.   

Is this why we often focus on appealing to what the world already enjoys in order to reach people, rather than showing them the beauty and power of what they DON'T have?

Butt Or Fly?

Anytime a monarch butterfly comes near, it gets your attention.  I was standing on the lake shore in the glaring sunlight, trying to ease close enough to take its picture in the shade, where it had retreated from the heat.

Glaring sunlight tends to washes out display screens, and it wasn't until a bit later that I noticed what else I had captured...

Trash and foot traffic (see the footprint?)... either one can put an end to an unwary creature of beauty.

Have a preference?





There were two butterflies, actually, and the other one was a lot more cautious.  It would stay some distance away from me, cook in the sunlight for a few minutes, then retreat to the nearby woods to recover.  Less fun for me, but certainly safer for it.

If butterflies represent transformation, and shade represents our comfort zone, what's the lesson here?